In my last blog, I talked about the pitfalls of the holiday season—how we tend to slip into our old childhood roles when around our family, how we focus on the people who aren’t there rather than on the love around us, and how we spend more cleaning than we do merely being there with our kids.
Here’s the good news: Each one of us can have the holiday season we desire. A season filled with magical moments, priceless memories, and of course, Quantum Love.
So how do you this?
Let me share a dear friend’s experience last New Year’s Eve. My friend Patty loves all the holidays, especially New Year’s Eve, but she admits that sometimes she can feel resentful and harried by the time December 31st rolls around. After weeks of trying to make sure her kids are enjoying a happy holiday season, she says she can start to feel a bit tired, overwhelmed, and frankly—just sorry for herself.
That’s where she was last New Year’s Eve as she sat and watched the snow fall outside her Milwaukee home. She knew the night she wanted to have (filled with love, cuddles, and laughter with her kids and her husband), but she also told herself that she would be expected to do all the work. She would have to be the one creating all the fun and excitement even as she just wanted to sit back and enjoy herself.
Needless to say, she wasn’t in an emotional or energetic state to welcome in the experience she wanted to have with her loved ones. She told herself all sorts of stories of scarcity and being unappreciated. But then, for lack of a better phrase, she kicked her own butt back into coherence.
Instead of staying with those feelings of scarcity and resentment, she decided to focus on the feelings she wanted to be having. She got quiet, closed her eyes, and pictured herself having a warm, happy, spontaneous night with her family. She felt a warm bubbling feeling rising in her chest, so she knew she was headed in the right direction. She stayed with that feeling of Quantum Love and connection, allowing herself to deeply realize and know that her night would be perfect.
Her husband John came up suddenly to give her a hug. He left their home with their kids and he came back toting bags of snacks, silly string, and noisemakers. Without Patty saying a single world, it was if he sensed her desire to have a connective, happy night at home with the kids, and as they played in the alley later with the silly string, she knew for certain: Her commitment to Quantum Love was the reason she was laughing and joyful right now, rather than pouting on the couch because “I always have to do it all.”
Of course, this won’t necessarily happen for you right away, especially if you are new to Quantum Love. However, I do believe that you can use your energy proactively this holiday season to create the experiences that you desire.
How? First, you have to banish your victim script, the ‘woe is me’ routine that makes you pout internally when you have to run to the store for wrapping paper at 8 p.m. or the frustration you feel when your kids make a mess with their gingerbread house. Breathe gratitude into your spirit instead. It might help to keep a holiday gratitude journal. For every thing that causes you anxiety this holiday season, I bet you can find a silver lining to that ‘problem.’ For example, stressed about holiday shopping? Be grateful that you have so many friends and family to buy gifts for, and that you have the funds to spread so much cheer around. Or if you’re stressed about an annoying family member, remember this: It’s a chance to help you hone your patience.
Second, you need to focus on what you DO want rather than what you DON’T want. That’s one of the biggest life secrets that Quantum Love can teach you. Had Patty stayed in that place of resentment when her husband John came up to hug me, I bet he would have walked away feeling rejected and hurt. He wouldn’t have gone to the store with her kids to buy things for a family party, but instead he probably would have wondered what the heck was wrong with Patty and what she was angry about. And on an energetic level, her mood would have sent “stay away” signals to him, letting him know that she was shut down and not open to love. Without even realizing he would have felt that energy, and perhaps even felt it drag him down to a similar energetic state.
So, not only do you need to focus on what you do want, but you also need to be sure that you are constantly checking in with yourself. That is so crucial with this busy holiday season. Take a few quiet moments before your big Christmas dinner or even step away for a second during present opening just to take a few breaths or even meditate a little. Use this time to focus on what you want (love, connection, joy) and then focus on creating that within yourself. How do you feel when you are loved, warm and happy? What happens when you picture feelings of peacefulness? Feel how it changes you physically—how your hands relax, your face smooths, and your heartbeat slows down. Get into that feeling and really live in it.
That’s the trick of Quantum Love: You get into that feeling of love and connection even when you don’t SEE it before you just yet. Don’t wait for life to create the happiness you want. Create the happiness you want and then bring it your life…and watch the miracles happen.
Author: Laura Berman
For more on Quantum Love and how to get into the energetic states that will create the relationship you desire, check out my new book, Quantum Love: Use Your Body’s Atomic Energy to Create the Relationship You Desire.