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5 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Popping the Question

Engagement season runs from November to February, with many couples getting engaged on Valentine’s Day. However, before you are blinded by Cupid’s magic, you want to pump the brakes and have a few important conversations with your potential life partner.

Research has shown that attending premarital counseling can drive down a couple’s risk for divorce. While therapy can be very valuable, you can reap similar benefits by having mindful conversations with your partner before you pop the question.

Here are a few questions you should ask your partner before tying the knot: 

  • How do you think marriage will change our relationship? Talk to your partner about what their expectations for marriage are and how they imagine your relationship growing in the future. How do they envision your future family and each of your roles within this family unit?


  • What are your core desired feelings in our relationship? Each of you should make a list of the way you want to feel in your relationship. This could include feelings like playful, adored, safe, spontaneous, trusted, you name it. The idea is to brainstorm the way you want to feel as a partner, and then to share it with one another so you can each keep those important feelings in mind. Check out this list of Core Desired Feelings to help inspire you, as well as a guide to manifesting those feelings in your relationship. 


  • What is our relationship mission statement? If you had to create a mission statement for your relationship, a statement that embodies your deep desires and your core desired feelings and your commitment to one another, what would that mission statement be? Sitting down with your partner and creating this mission statement gives you a blueprint moving forward and ensures you are each working toward a common goal.


  • What is our intimacy mission statement? This is similar to the above question, except it is about your intimate life in the bedroom. An intimacy mission statement is one that focuses on your physical connection and the different ways you will honor and uphold each other’s needs, including what you plan to do if issues ever arise. It could mean talking about things like sex therapy or scheduling intimacy or sharing fantasies. It’s so important to talk about these potential issues before you walk down the aisle, because everyone’s intimate lives ebbs and flows over the years.

  • What is your love language? Learning each other’s love language is invaluable, because if you don’t know what makes your partner feel loved, you won’t be able to fulfill their most human need. It’s easy to find love languages quiz online, but the original was created by marriage expert Dr. Gary Chapman.

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