As we enter this New Year, so many of us are making resolutions to ‘improve’ ourselves. Maybe you want to run a marathon, work on your marriage, save money, or finally get that promotion.
However, the reality is that research shows that most of our New Year’s resolutions fail. Why is this? Is it because we didn’t work hard enough? Because we didn’t want it badly enough? Because we aren’t worthy of these goals or because we just don’t measure up?
Of course not. I know you worked hard on your resolutions last year and the year before and the year before. I know you’re worthy of your highest aspirations. I know you have what it takes to make those incredible dreams a reality.
So why did you fail? I would argue that it is because you put all your intention on what you didnotwant, and that you focused only on what you needed to do, rather than on what you wanted to feel.
That’s the secret when it comes to manifesting these goals into reality. It’s about how you want to FEEL. How would running a marathon make you feel? How would a happy, passionate marriage make you feel? How would landing that dream promotion make you feel?
These feelings are what it’s always about and what’s under everything we want. We don’t want the promotion or the marathon just for the sake of having it, we want it because of how it will make us feel.
Here is the problem: Lots of folks don’t really even know what they want to feel. They only know what they want, or what theythinkthey want. They focus on the accolades and the material objects without looking inward and realizing, ‘I want to run a marathon’ really means ‘I want to feel dedicated and resilient.’ Or that, ‘I want to have a more passionate marriage’ means ‘I want to feel desired and empowered.’
When we get clear on how we want to feel, and we use that as a barometer as we work towards our New Year’s resolutions, that is when our true power to change begins. When we move our bodies into that state of feeling through multiple means, both tangible and intangible, we became master goal-achievers. And when we share those feelings with our partners and understand how they want to feel as well, that’s when intimacy goes into hyper-drive and our marriages become magical.
Time and time again, research has shown that our internal thoughts and feelings have a major impact on the way we live our lives and the experiences that we draw into our world. That is why I often stress to people that they are the architects of their own lives. Your thoughts are building your reality. This sounds overwhelming, but it’s actually incredible news: If you are creating your own reality, then you get to create WHATEVER you want.
But, remember, manifesting isn’t just about choosing the most empowering thoughts. If you just focus on your thoughts, then you have skipped the vital first step. Before you even focus on your thought patterns, you need to focus on your feelings first. Emotions are ‘energy in motion’ and when we embrace that realization and harness that energy, amazing things happen in our world. But when we don’t (when we allow emotions to lead us, rather than us leading our emotions), then we completely cut ourselves off from our power source.
How do you harness your ‘energy in motion’ to help you work towards your highest intentions?
You need to get clear on how you want to feel. I call these ‘core desired feelings,’ and I always ask everyone who I work with to create a list of these core desired feelings as a crucial first step in our time together.
For example, I worked with a woman who was feeling very dissatisfied in her marriage. She felt unloved and rejected by her partner. They both had high-stress careers and a busy family life with 3 kids, and she felt like their relationship was slipping through the cracks. I asked her to make a list of core desired feelings, and first, she came back with a paper that simply said ‘happy.’ While that was a nice emotion, I encouraged her to really dig deeper, and I suggested she meditate for 15 minutes and really envision the way she wanted to feel in her marriage.
She came back to me with this list of 5 core desired feelings for her marriage:
Once she had written her beautifully thoughtful list, I asked her to sit and feel what it would it be like if her relationship was hopeful and playful, how it would feel if her marriage made her feel valued and desirable and sexy. I wanted her to source those physical feelings, to really get into her body and FEEL how it would feel in her body if that was her reality. When she opened her eyes, I could tell something in her had shifted. She had a compass now. She wasn’t blinding allowing her emotions to control her and dictate her thoughts, but rather she was choosing the way she wanted to feel and allowing that to help her build her thoughts and her reality.
She kept the list close to her heart, and allowed that list to be her guide for her future choices in her relationship. Eventually, upon seeing the powerful changes in her mood and her mental clarity, her partner came to me to make his own list. Here’s the funny thing: He wrote down several things she had on her list too! It turns out they had been on the same page all along, they just never realized it as they weren’t connected to their own powerhouse.
If you want to have this incredible, paradigm-shifting experience, write down a list of core desired feelings. Five is a good number. Anything more can become too overwhelming at first, but if you can only come up with 3 or 4, that’s okay, as long as you are deeply connected to those core desired feelings.
For example, if you want your partner to compliment you more, your core desired feeling might be ‘appreciated’ or ‘valued.’ If you want your partner to initiate sex more, your core desired feeling might be ‘desirable’ or ‘irresistible.’
You can share your list with your partner, after they make their own as well. You can hang them in your bedroom or on the bathroom mirror. Brainstorm ideas together and separately to help you achieve those core desired feelings. What would help you feel appreciated? What would help your partner feel desirable?
Use the lists as your compass in 2020 as you focus on creating the marriage you desire. Let’s make this the best year for your relationship yet!
Go to the Quantum Resources page to find a Core Desired Feelings guide, including some suggested feelings that may inspire you, as well as a step-by-step map on how to create those core desired feelings in your relationship.