On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman talks about what men really want in the bedroom, and why men seem to have higher desire than women when it comes to intimacy.

Dr. Berman reveals that the most common issue that she sees in her clients is the fact that men want more sex than their partners, and how those mismatched libidos can wreak havoc on your relationship. When sex falls by the wayside, it can lead to less affection, less physical touch, and less romance in general. When a woman doesn’t want sex, she may brush off her partner if he tries to cuddle her or kiss her, because she thinks “Oh no, he is just going to want sex, and I don’t even want to go there right now.” Or maybe she even feels guilty accepting affectionate touch since she isn’t ‘keeping up her end of the bargain’ and being the passionate, hands-on partner that she knows her partner wants her to be.

Yet the more these things disappear (the cuddling, the hand-holding, the pet names, the snuggling under the sheets) in a relationship, the more her desire will continue to plummet as well because she needs these forms of affection to help fuel her libido. So, it becomes a vicious cycle in which less sex means less romance, and less romance means less sex, and in the end, both partners end up feeling very isolated and disconnected.

Dr. Berman’s advice for couples is simple: Start by being honest about the fact that you each have different levels of desire, but make room for the possibility that this can change in the future. Every sex life has ebbs and flows, so even if you are not currently where you want to be in the bedroom, make room for the possibility that this can change and that you and your partner have the power to create the passion, fulfilling sex lives you both desire and deserve. Listen to today’s episode of “The Language of Love” to hear Dr. Berman’s best sex tips for couples struggling with mismatched libidos.

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