Let’s face it: keeping a relationship strong, especially through the ups and downs of life, can feel like trying to keep a soufflé from collapsing—one wrong move, and poof, the magic seems to disappear! But don’t worry, it’s not about perfection (that’s impossible), but about connection. Relationships require more than just love; they need intentionality, humor, and the ability to adapt. So, let’s dive into some relationship-saving tips that’ll not only help you stay connected with your partner but might even give you a laugh along the way.
1. Communicate Like You’re Ordering Food—Clearly, and Without Guilt
Ever tried to order food with someone who won’t just say what they want? “Well, I could do pizza, but only if you like it. Maybe Chinese food, but we had that last week…” It’s exhausting. And it’s often how we communicate in relationships.
Case in point: Let’s look at Maya and James. After years of James saying, “I’m fine with whatever,” Maya began to believe him. What she didn’t know was that James secretly loathed Chinese food but was too afraid of seeming picky. Cue the eventual blow-up when Maya ordered it one too many times. James exploded over—get this—lo mein.
Lesson: Whether it’s about dinner plans, your feelings, or something bigger (like financial goals or in-laws), be direct. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and leave the mind-reading out of it. It’s about honesty without apology.
2. Learn Each Other’s Love Language (It’s Not Always Yours!)
Most of us love our partners the way we most want to be loved, but most of the time it doesn’t land. The five languages we’ve all heard about include: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. The magic happens when you learn how your partner wants to be loved, not just how you want to be loved.
Case in point: Take Anna and Leah. Anna’s love language was Acts of Service, so she constantly did things for Leah—cooking, cleaning, organizing her life. Meanwhile, Leah’s love language was Physical Touch, and she longed for more cuddles and physical intimacy. Anna was confused when all her “acts of service” didn’t make Leah feel appreciated. Once they figured out their different love languages, things clicked. Leah started expressing her love by helping more around the house, and Anna? She got better at initiating physical intimacy.
Lesson: Understanding your partner’s language of love can take your relationship to new heights. It’s not about how you like to be loved—it’s about how they like to be loved. And yes, this goes both ways. Get fluent in their love language, and watch the connection flourish.
3. Put Each Other First—Yes, Even Above the Kids
I know this one might raise a few eyebrows, but hear me out: you and your partner are the foundation of the house. If that foundation crumbles, everything else—kids, in-laws, the family dog—can come tumbling down. Prioritizing your relationship doesn’t mean neglecting your kids. In fact, the stronger your bond, the more stable and secure the family will be.
Case in point: Jen and Marco used to put their kids’ needs before everything else. Playdates, school events, and homework always came first, while their date nights dwindled. Soon enough, they were more like co-parents than partners. After a heart-to-heart, they realized that if they didn’t start prioritizing their relationship, they’d have nothing left to give each other or the kids. They made a pact: date nights at least twice a month and a commitment to never let the kids (or in-laws) come between them.
Lesson: Your relationship is the cornerstone of your family. If you’re not putting each other first, everything else will suffer in the long run. Carve out time for each other—whether it’s date nights, morning coffee together, or simply prioritizing connection daily.
4. Hold Monthly Business Meetings for Your Relationship
Okay, don’t roll your eyes at the idea of turning your romance into a business meeting. I’m not talking about spreadsheets or performance reviews—just a monthly check-in to see what’s working in your relationship and what you’d like to enhance. The key here? Focus on the positives and keep it solution-oriented, not negative. This isn’t a time to hash out grievances but to celebrate what’s going well and brainstorm how to make your connection even stronger.
Case in point: Ken and Marco tried this out after feeling a bit disconnected amidst the chaos of life. During their “business meeting,” they both realized that what was really working for them was their morning coffee chats—but they wanted to enhance their quality time by planning one weekend getaway per season. By framing the discussion around what’s going right, they felt energized and excited about their future, rather than bogged down by issues.
Lesson: Sit down once a month and talk about what’s going well in your relationship. Avoid negativity and focus on solutions—what would make the good stuff even better? This keeps your relationship moving forward and reminds you that, yes, you’re a team!
5. Keep Separate Interests (Because You’re More Interesting That Way!)
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? Well, it also gives you something to talk about when you’re back together! Maintaining separate interests is a huge component of keeping your relationship strong. You don’t have to do everything together—after all, you’re both still individuals.
Case in point: Meet Tina and Greg. Tina loved yoga, while Greg preferred running marathons. In the early days, they felt pressure to merge all their hobbies (cue disastrous “yoga for runners” classes). Eventually, they embraced their differences. Tina dove into her yoga community, while Greg found a running group. Now, when they sit down for dinner, they actually have things to share about their separate passions—and they’re more supportive and connected than ever.
Lesson: Having separate interests isn’t just okay, it’s essential. When you pursue your own passions, you bring fresh energy to the relationship. Plus, absence does wonders for reigniting that spark!
6. Practice Active Listening (Not “I’m Just Waiting for My Turn to Talk”)
We’ve all been there: you’re in a conversation, your partner’s talking, and instead of really hearing them, you’re busy formulating your response. Guilty as charged. But active listening is like relationship magic.
Case in point: Take Nick and Leanna. Recently, they found themselves in a recurring argument about their social lives. Nick loved going out with friends on the weekends, while Leanna preferred quieter evenings at home. Every time they discussed it, the conversation quickly turned into a debate. As Leanna was explaining why she valued their time together at home, Nick was already preparing his argument about the importance of maintaining friendships. Neither of them was truly listening, and instead of finding a compromise, the tension kept building. The result? More frustration and no resolution. Both felt misunderstood and disconnected.
Lesson: When you’re only listening to respond, you’re not really listening. Ask yourself: Am I hearing what my partner is actually saying, or am I just waiting for my chance to jump in? Once Nick and Leanna started practicing active listening—by pausing, empathizing, and acknowledging each other’s points of view—the arguments softened. Leanna felt heard, and Nick realized that by being fully present, they could find a balance between socializing and quiet nights in. Sometimes, your partner doesn’t need you to agree or fix anything—they just need you to hear them.
7. Laugh Together—Because Life’s Ridiculous
Nothing diffuses tension like humor. When things get stressful (and they will), the couples who laugh together last longer. Studies have shown that humor in relationships is a huge predictor of satisfaction. It lightens the mood, breaks down barriers, and helps us not take ourselves (or our problems) too seriously.
Case in point: Take Ben and Rachel. They had their fair share of fights—mostly about laundry. Rachel felt like the sole owner of “Laundry Mountain,” while Ben remained blissfully unaware. After one particularly heated argument over a basket of socks, they both cracked up at how absurd the whole thing was. From then on, they used humor to tackle conflict. When Ben missed laundry duty, Rachel wouldn’t nag—she’d leave a “Wanted” poster on the pile. The sock monster strikes again!
Lesson: Don’t forget to laugh, especially when things feel heavy. Life will always throw you curveballs, but laughter is your greatest shield.
Strong relationships don’t just happen—they’re built. With humor, intentionality, learning each other’s love language, and a bit of effort, you can create a partnership that not only survives life’s challenges but thrives through them. Prioritize each other (yes, even over the kids), communicate openly, and never stop growing together. Because, in the end, your relationship is the foundation that holds everything else together. And when that foundation is strong, the rest of your world becomes even more solid.
Laura
PS. My friend Nancy Bruce is holding a Love Camp in April that seems like it’s going to be so fun and inspiring. If you are over 50 and frustrated in the search for love, I highly recommend it!