A few years ago, I participated on a “Summer of Sex” challenge on “The Steve Harvey Show.” I love Steve and was often a regular on his daytime talk show, but far and away, the “Summer of Sex” challenge was one of my most popular appearances. People still ask me about the “Summer of Sex” or tell me how beneficial the challenge was for their relationship, and it’s wonderful to see that such a simple, accessible program led to so many happy couples.
This “Summer of Sex” challenge is for anyone looking to bring more intimacy and connection into their love lives. Whether you have been together for 5 years or 15 years, this program is perfect for every couple who just wants to make the most of their newfound time together and rebuild their intimacy.
Here’s how it works: Every day, until the end of summer, you and your partner will be intimate. That’s right: I am challenging you and your partner to engage in sexual activity every SINGLE day of summer 2021.
Why have sex every day? Well, the idea is that by very mindfully committing to having sex every 24 hours, you will create daily opportunities for intimacy and force yourselves to be creative and hands-on when it comes to taking charge of your intimacy. You will take excuses** off the table and require yourself to make time and energy for sex every single day without fail, ensuring that there will never be a day when you aren’t considering your relationship and your partner in an intimate, intentional light.
Here are some FAQs I have received from my social media followers about the Summer of Sex challenge:
How do we get started?
Pick a day when you know you won’t have a million other things going on and you can start off on a positive note. Set a reminder on your phone and your partner’s phone to pop up at a certain time each day to serve as a little visual nudge each day to encourage you to create that physical connection.
What if my partner can’t “bounce back” in a 24-hour period?
You don’t have to have intercourse every day. This challenge isn’t just about intercourse, but about rebuilding that sensual bond between you and your partner. To that end, consider activities like: Taking a bubble bath together, giving each other massages, cuddling on the couch instead of sitting on separate sofas, sleeping in the nude together, kissing for at least 10 seconds every day, holding hands when you go for a walk, etc.
How to find and maintain the energy for the challenge?
Take care of yourselves—eat nutritious, whole foods, get active each day, prioritize your sleep, and limit screen time, especially at night and in the bedroom. (No T.V. in the bedroom is my golden rule!) The better you feel physically, the more you will be in the mood for sex, so make self-care a priority.
And remember, it doesn’t have to be an hour-long, swinging from the chandelier session each and every time. Sometimes it can be a ‘quickie’ or ‘maintenance sex,’ in which you need only expend a little time and energy—but remember, just because you’re not putting in a lot of physical time, your intimacy should still be intentional and performed with presence of mind. You can have meaningful intimacy even if takes less than 15 minutes, it’s all about keeping your partner’s needs and your connection in mind, rather than rushing through it thoughtlessly.
Do we HAVE to have sex or can we just perform a sexual act together?
Intercourse is just one way you can be intimate. Try mutual masturbation or erotic massage or showering together. Try writing an erotic story or sending your partner a sext. There are so many little ways that you can increase intimate connection during your day, so be creative and look for those opportunities that feel organic and fitting in your relationship.
**Although I am challenging you to have sex every day, if you aren’t feeling emotionally or physically up for intimacy, please don’t force yourself. It doesn’t mean you ‘failed’ the experiment: Self-care must always come first, and having sex when you really don’t want to is a grave disservice to you and your partner. So, please, remember that while I am challenging you to have sex every day, I am doing so with the presumption that you are physically and mentally ready and eager for more intimacy. On some days (either due to trauma, illness, mental health concerns) having sex may not be beneficial for you, and indeed could even be detrimental. So, use good judgment and reserve the right to say ‘no’ and to respect your partner’s ‘no.’
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