As the holiday season winds down, many of us are eager to set resolutions for the year ahead—whether it’s eating healthier, exercising more, or pursuing personal goals. But what about your relationship? This year, instead of focusing solely on what you want to do as a couple, consider focusing on how you want to feel.
When it comes to love and connection, getting clear on your desired feelings—both individually and as a couple—can serve as a powerful compass. These feelings can guide your decisions, habits, and interactions throughout the year, helping you cultivate the kind of intimacy that grows deeper and more fulfilling with time.
Here are six steps to follow so the the holiday season can be a springboard for reflection, connection, and intention-setting that will transform your relationship in the year ahead.
Step 1: Reflect on the Past Year
Before looking ahead, take time to reflect on the year you’ve shared. Focus on the positive. Honest, compassionate reflection can provide clarity about what’s working well and what could use attention.
Reflection Prompts:
- What were the highlights of our relationship this year?
- When did we feel most connected? What were we doing?
- What challenges did we face successfully as a couple, and how did we navigate them?
- What have we learned about ourselves and each other that will help us support each other more?
- Where do we want to show up differently this year?
Create a safe, comfortable space for this conversation—light some candles, make your favorite drink, and approach the discussion with curiosity and kindness.
Step 2: Discover How You Want to Feel
While resolutions and goals focus on actions, identifying how you want to feel creates a deeper and more meaningful foundation for your relationship. Feelings like connected, cherished, playful, secure, or joyful can act as your emotional compass, guiding your decisions and behaviors throughout the year.
The Exercise:
1. Individually: Take a few minutes to reflect or journal on the following:
- How do I want to feel in my life overall this year?
- How do I want to feel in our relationship?
2. Together: Share your reflections with each other and look for overlap. Then discuss:
What shared feelings do we want to prioritize as a couple?
What specific actions or habits help us cultivate these feelings?
How can we use these feelings to navigate challenges or decisions?
3. Create Your Compass: Write down 2–3 core feelings you want to prioritize as a couple (e.g., “connected,” “playful,” “secure”). Place this list somewhere visible to remind you both of your shared intentions.
Step 3: Align Your Actions With Your Feelings
Once you’ve identified your desired feelings, brainstorm ways to bring them to life. Use your compass to guide your relationship habits and decisions throughout the year.
Examples of Feeling-Based Actions:
- If you want to feel connected, prioritize weekly date nights or daily check-ins.
- If you want to feel playful, plan regular adventures or try new activities together.
- If you want to feel secure, work on open communication and create a ritual for resolving conflicts with care and patience.
Step 4: Set Intentions and Goals
Now that you have clarity on how you want to feel, you can set intentions and goals that align with those emotions.
Examples of Relationship Intentions:
- “We will create quality time by unplugging from devices during dinner.”
- “We will deepen our connection by practicing daily gratitude for each other.”
- “We will reignite passion by exploring new ways to connect physically and emotionally.”
Resolutions are often task-oriented, but intentions rooted in feelings add a layer of purpose and meaning.
Step 5: Use Your Compass Throughout the Year
As the months go by, your desired feelings can help you stay aligned and connected, even when life gets busy.
Ways to Stay on Track:
1. Weekly Check-Ins: Dedicate time to ask:
- Are we feeling the way we want to feel as a couple?
- What’s working, and what could we improve?
2. Daily Reminders: Write your shared feelings somewhere visible or set a reminder on your phone to keep them top of mind.
3. Course Corrections: If life pulls you off track, revisit your compass and make adjustments. This might mean having a meaningful conversation, scheduling time together, or simply offering each other grace.
Step 6: Celebrate Your Wins
Celebrate the moments when you embody the feelings you’re striving for—whether it’s a quiet evening of connection, a spontaneous laugh, or a heartfelt conversation. Acknowledging these wins reinforces your efforts and brings joy to your journey together.
A Final Thought: Intimacy Is Intentional
Strong relationships don’t grow by chance; they grow by choice. By focusing on how you want to feel and aligning your actions with those emotions, you’re not just setting goals—you’re creating a love story that is intentional, fulfilling, and deeply connected.
This year, let your feelings—not just your resolutions—be your compass. Love with intention, connect with purpose, and let your shared vision guide you toward a relationship that feels as good as it looks.
Here’s to a new year filled with love, connection, and all the feelings you desire.