What’re you making of your AFGE? This is a concept I discuss often: Another F@#cking Growth Experience. We all have them. AFGE’s happen when we least expect it. They come in the form of divorce, illness, death, accidents, and even natural disasters. It can be a lost job or a lost opportunity. It can be a broken heart or a near-death experience (or for many of us a pandemic). However, they almost always also break us open if we are willing to rise to the challenge.
Therapists call the growth that comes with an AFGE, what you make of it, Post-traumatic growth (PTG). Unlike resilience, which is the ability to bounce back to a pre-trauma state, PTG suggests that individuals can experience profound personal growth and transformation after significant adversity.
When applied to grief (from loss to death, divorce/break up, etc), post-traumatic growth helps us understand that while loss can be devastating, it can also be a catalyst for positive changes in how we see ourselves, others, and the world.
The concept of PTG doesn’t suggest that grief or trauma is in any way “good” or necessary for growth, nor does it diminish the pain of loss. Instead, it acknowledges that the process of navigating profound grief can lead to unexpected personal development in several areas: a deeper appreciation for life, more meaningful relationships, a sense of personal strength, spiritual change, and new possibilities or goals.
Deeper Appreciation for Life: For many who experience significant grief, there comes a shift in how they perceive the everyday moments of life. The loss of a loved one can make people more attuned to the fragility of life and, as a result, they may develop a greater appreciation for simple joys and experiences. The recognition that life is finite often leads to more present, intentional living. Survivors of loss may find themselves more connected to the present moment and the beauty in daily experiences, no matter how small.
Strengthened Relationships: Grief can also deepen relationships, as it often brings into sharp focus who truly matters in one’s life. During periods of mourning, support from family, friends, or even strangers can foster a greater sense of connection and appreciation for those who offer love and understanding. Moreover, individuals who have experienced loss often find they have a greater capacity for empathy and compassion toward others, particularly those facing similar struggles. This can lead to more authentic and emotionally rich relationships.
Personal Strength: One of the key areas of post-traumatic growth is the realization of personal strength. Many people discover that they are far more resilient than they previously believed. Enduring the pain of grief and the profound emotional lows that accompany it can reveal an inner fortitude. This newfound strength can transform a person’s sense of self, helping them realize they can handle more than they thought possible. The grief doesn’t disappear, but individuals often emerge with a deeper belief in their ability to face life’s challenges.
Spiritual Change and Meaning: For many, grief prompts a reevaluation of spiritual or existential beliefs. The search for meaning in the face of loss can lead to profound spiritual transformation. Some find new or deeper faith in a higher power, while others may reframe their understanding of life, death, and what matters most. In this sense, grief can become a pathway to greater spiritual insight, whether through religion or a more secular sense of purpose.
New Possibilities: Post-traumatic growth may also lead individuals to discover new possibilities in life. The death of a loved one often leads people to reassess their priorities, values, and goals. In the face of grief, many re-evaluate what truly matters to them and might find new paths, passions, or causes that feel more aligned with their sense of purpose. This might involve dedicating their lives to helping others, starting new careers, or engaging in charitable or creative pursuits as a way of honoring their loved ones.
Ultimately, post-traumatic growth doesn’t minimize the pain of grief but acknowledges that people can emerge from grief transformed. By finding meaning, developing deeper relationships, discovering inner strength, and gaining a greater appreciation for life, individuals can experience growth in the midst of loss. Grief is an inevitable part of life, but post-traumatic growth reminds us that even in the darkest times, there is the potential for profound personal transformation.
If you are a woman who has experienced loss and you want to grow, expand and connect more deeply to yourself and your people (here and on the other side), come join me and a team of amazing healers and teachers in Chicago, October 25-27 for Heartbreak to Healing: A Grief Retreat for Women!