In the bedroom, bigger is always better. At least, that’s what we hear in popular culture when it comes to penis size.
Yet a new study proves that men don’t need to be extra-large down there in order to please their partner. Researchers at King’s College performed a study on couples using silicone rings on the men’s penises to manipulate their length. What they found was very revealing: When the rings were used to reduce the length of a man’s penis by an inch or more, the woman reported a decline in sexual pleasure.
So does this mean that size really does matter in the bedroom? Some news outlets which covered the study led with this conclusion, but I find this to be an incomplete understanding of the research.
First of all, this study was performed with the intention of studying the effects of penis shortening on relationships. Penis shrinkage can happen as men age, as well as due to lifestyle habits like smoking or an unhealthy diet. While we often talk about the fact that women’s sexual organs and sexual responses can change as they age, many men aren’t aware of the fact that aging impacts them in the same way. As men get older, reduced blood flow to the penis can impact both their size and their sexual performance. Additionally, obesity and prostate surgery (such as removing a cancerous prostate gland) can also lead to a reduction in penis size.
The King’s College researchers wanted to find out how this penis shortening may impact a man’s sex life. And, they did find that a big reduction in size could lead his partner to notice a difference in her pleasure.
But these findings aren’t applicable to an average healthy male without these medical concerns. Remember, the study did NOT find that women reported less sexual pleasure with their partner based on their actual penis size…they reported less pleasure after the researchers gave the men silicone rings which reduced their normal penis size to be smaller.
“Our results should not be misinterpreted as meaning that increasing penile length will increase sexual pleasure in women,” the researchers wrote. “They are also not generalisable to men who are not in a sexual relationship and fear being rejected as there are other determinants in such scenarios other than penis length.”
In other words, guys, you don’t need to believe the misleading headlines that tout ‘size does matter,’ because that’s not really what the study concluded. Instead, the researchers simply found that men who have lost length due to the natural process of aging or due to illness or obesity may need to consider how this could impact their partner’s sexual pleasure. This is useful as it opens the conversation for men who may be anxious about how to keep their partners satisfied.
And here’s the good news: Whether you are 5 to 5.5 inches (the average length of an erect penis) or a bit bigger or a bit smaller, the most important way to help your partner enjoy herself is by simply paying attention to her hot spots. And one of the most orgasmic spots for women is their G-spot, which is located only about an inch or so inside the vagina. So you really don’t need to have a lot of length in order to be able to reach the G-spot and ensure your partner enjoys herself.
And, it’s also important to note that many women do not reach orgasm from intercourse alone. They often need foreplay in the form of manual sex and/or oral sex to help them achieve orgasm. So if you’re over-focused on making her reach orgasm through the size of your penis alone, you’re missing out on the main ways that women experience orgasms.
If you pay attention to what your partner likes in the bedroom (or better yet, communicate with her about how she likes to be touched and pleasured), you’re probably going to find that it has very little to do with the size of your penis and more to do with how you’re touching her and connecting with her. Whether she loves G-spot stimulation or clitoral stimulation or a combo of both, these female hotspots are easily accessible for men of all sizes. The best lovers are the ones who are present and attuned with their partners’ needs, not the ones with the biggest sex organs.
And most importantly, if you want to enjoy yourself and make sure she is enjoying herself too, you need to be confident and self-assured. If you’re anxious about your penis size or constantly second-guessing yourself, she’s going to feel that stress and anxiety, and she will react to that energy similarly. She will feel less confident about her own body and worry that she’s not enough to please you, and your sexual pleasure and your relationship will suffer as a result.
My advice? Ditch the size anxiety and move out of that fear-based mindset. Imagine how it would feel if you truly loved and appreciated your body, if you loved your penis and looked at it with pride, confidence, and gratitude. Yes, really. If you’re struggling with worries about your size, I encourage you to set an intention to start loving your penis.
Maybe you can write a love letter to your penis or even have a meditative session in which you create an altar in your bedroom that represents your masculine or Yang energy. Use a crystal like the star cluster aragonite, which is a crystal that looks like it is on flames and can represent the ‘Fire’ of your male sexuality. Or you can use a candle or another fire-based emblem. Meditate with your emblem of choice and imbue it with your sexual energy. Focus on it with an intention for passionate, mutually fulfilling sex. Then put the crystal in a place of honor in your bedroom to keep your intention before you whenever you are in the bedroom.
And, remember, it’s okay if you don’t fully love your penis right now. It’s okay if you still have doubts or anxiety about your size. But leave space in your mind for the possibility that you can learn to love your penis and your body, because I truly believe that it is possible for you. After all, this is the natural state that each of us was born with—as babies, we were filled with unconditional love as well as with pride, curiosity, and pure joy in our bodies (have you ever seen the glee in a baby’s eyes as they first notice their feet or stare in wonderment at their hands?). It’s only as we were exposed to the world’s negative messages and body shame that we lost our natural connection to unconditional love for ourselves and others.
But we can get back there. Hold onto that possibility and give your penis a little love today.