An Open Letter to Men on How to Love a Woman

Dear Man,

I know you love her and desperately want her to feel how much you love her.  You want connection as much as she does. And, most of all, you want to feel like you are doing a good job in the relationship and as a mate. Here’s my promise. If you put your attention on these “5 ways to love a woman in a way that lands,” she will feel you. Her connection to you will be stronger and her desire for you will be greater.

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Here are the steps:

1.  Let her know you chose her…then and now. You may want to spend a little time first getting  clear on what really did first attract you to her?Perhaps it was her striking smile or her long legs, but what else was there? Maybe it was her compassionate heart–the way she donated time to those in need and always tried to bring a smile to someone’s face. Maybe it was her bold spirit–the way she could command a room and get everyone’s attention. Remind yourself of that reason(s) and then look for ways that she still exhibits that behavior in daily life. For example, when she stops to have a kindly chat with an elderly neighbor, let this realization sink in: “Oh, my wife is so compassionate and caring. She always thinks of others, even when she is in a hurry.” Simply bringing awareness to the characteristics you love about her is a great start.

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2.  Celebrate those characteristics. Don’t wait. Do it in the very moment. If you see your wife charming a group of people at a party, when you get in the car, smile at her and say, “I love how outgoing you are. You are always the life of every party.” Or, if you see her being nurturing to a lost animal, you might say, “This is why I fell in love with you. You have such a gentle soul.” One caveat: Do try and compliment her about things outside of being a mother, at least occasionally. Compliment her for pieces of her identity that existed before you got married and had kids. That is so crucial! It helps her to remember the days when you first fell in love, and it lets her know that you still see her as that person.

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3.  Brag about her (in front of her). I love when I hear people bragging about their spouses. It’s not for the benefit of others or to inspire jealousy. Instead, it’s for your partner! It helps her to see that you still view her as an attractive, desirable mate who you are lucky to have. Think about it: When you first fall in love, you tend to talk about it a bunch with your friends. You are so excited about this sexy, funny new woman you met that you can’t help but share. Yet after a time, you stop talking about her…unless it’s to complain about something! It’s time to change all that. Start talking about your wife the same way you did when you first fell in love. Let her hear those words of appreciation and see herself through your point of view. Boast about her on Facebook and tag her. Let her see that you chose her then and you still choose her now…and let her see why.

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4.  Offer your partner 10-15 minutes everyday (at least) that is all for her. No cell phones. No T.V. No talking about work. Just time to connect with her. To witness her. To bring awareness to the beautiful spirit and charming intellect that lays within her. Cuddle with and kiss her without it leading anywhere else.

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5.  Invite her into the unknown. This is key! Predictability is part of life, but it can be a killer in the relationship, not to mention bedroom. A Woman wants to feel like her partner has the potential to surprise her; that he never stops dreaming or expanding his horizons. Invite her along for the ride. She wants you to take the initiative to  go on an adventure together.  She also loves being invited to  dream together about  hopes and desires, and joint adventures you want to have in the future.  This not only allows her to feel your investment, but creates a sense of bonding, joint purpose, and potential which is one of the greatest heart openers!

Try these steps and tell me how it goes!

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