Dear Sisterfriend,
I know what it is to be an Alpha Woman. I get you.
You who feel guilty if the dinner dishes aren’t washed before you go to bed.
You who cringe at your older, softer reflection in the mirror, and then feel ashamed for caring about your appearance when there are bills to be paid and work to be done and kids to be cuddled to sleep.
You who quietly (and not so quietly) resent your partner for not doing his share around the house.
You who pretend like you don’t want his help, because hey, it’s faster if you do it, and you don’t want to bother him, and besides you don’t want to seem like a nag.
You who feel guilty if you don’t get up early with the kids on Sunday morning or if you let them have chicken tenders for dinner or if you snap at them to “JUST get in bed!”
You who hate your body for being weak, for getting cramps, for getting bloated, for having cellulite, for getting older.
You who leave fitting rooms feeling empty and wanting a hug, but you would never admit that to anyone because it’s stupid and silly and there’s always, always something else that must get done.
You, my Alpha Woman friend, who never gives yourself one moment of mercy, one moment of forgiveness, you who do not realize how truly powerful, sacred, and awe-inspiring you really are. Just as a night star. Yes, you.
This message is for you.
Yes! I know you are just as capable as the men around you, just as intelligent, ingenious, and tough. But you are also tender. Your body was made to be broken by childbirth, made to endure cramps, made to manage heartache, made for pleasure, for purpose, for pain. You were made to splinter, to shatter, to soak every feeling in and expand as a result.
And here is where your true power lies: To the extent which you allow yourself to be broken. To the extent which you allow yourself to be vulnerable. To the extent which you are willing to show your flaws, be unguarded, without pretense, without shame. To the extent which you allow yourself to walk into the boardroom—your self—rather than your perception of who you should be.
Thanks to all the work we and our mothers and grandmothers have already done, you must now know that you don’t have to be masculine to be respected. Because you do have female power. You have power that men do not have, power that is yours and yours alone.
You already feel it in your bones with a deep knowing, even if you hide from it. It’s the ‘sixth sense’ warning you away from a dark street. It’s the inherent knowledge of what to say when your child comes to you with their first soul-bruise from a world that can be so unkind. It’s the stirring in your spirit when you see your first spring blossom or you hear a nightbird’s cry or you watch the setting of the sun.
Your intuitive knowing, your love’s power to heal the hearts around you, to tap into your creative potential, to think outside the box is where your true power lies. Your power is the quiet beating of your heart that says “I will keep going” after you lose your mother, after you lose your job, after you lose your marriage, after you lose it all.
Yes, even after you lose it all. Because loss and illness and pain allow us to face our shame. And when our shame is faced, it disintegrates in the light of our conscious attention. Why? Because, you are not your shame. You can not be judged by your losses or your heartbreaks, anymore than a tree can be judged for the leaves she has lost. Just like an oak that can bend and dip in the wind, so too can your female spirit be pliable yet powerful, relaxed yet rooted, playful but cloaked in dignified purpose. You’ve survived each of those heartbreaks along the way, and each has made you stronger and wiser.
When you allow your energy to come from this rooted, powerful place, when you allow yourself to step wholly into your feminine, vulnerable, sacred self, amazing things can happen in your world. You stop shying away from your reflection. You stop being afraid to ask for help. You know that when you show up authentically, unafraid to let your flaws show, others are inspired to do the same.
You stop trying to force, fix, manage and control. You can finally trust that which is right is always unfolding and relax so life can start to flow. You don’t overeat or abuse your body. You don’t let anyone else abuse you either. You carry yourself nobly, gracefully, and with ease. With forgiveness.
With whole-hearted compassion for who you are. For who you were. And for who you want to be. Because you know the generosity, compassion and love with which you give yourself is the foundation for and equal to what you can give to others
Yes, this message is for you, alpha women. You wild, powerful, feminine, ferocious women. I hope you hear it. I hope it reaches you. I hope you dance naked in front of your mirror tonight. And I hope a smile plays on your wise, gorgeous face as you fall asleep.
Xo Laura (A Recovering Alpha Woman)