Grief is a language that transcends species, time, and geography. It speaks in the silent weight of an empty room, the ache of an unfulfilled future, and sometimes, in the heartbreaking journey of a mother whale.
Tahlequah, a member of the Southern Resident killer whales, captured the world’s heart in 2018 when she carried her deceased calf for 17 days, traversing over 1,000 miles through the Pacific Northwest. Her silent procession through the deep waters spoke volumes about the universal nature of grief, a language understood by all who have known love and loss. Tahlequah’s story is one of devotion so fierce, it transcends the boundaries of understanding. When her calf was born lifeless, she refused to let go. For weeks, she pushed the tiny body to the surface, as though trying to coax it back to life, or perhaps simply refusing to let her love sink beneath the waves.
Now, I learned on New Year’s Day that the ocean has handed her another unimaginable blow. Her newborn calf born right before Christmas has also died. Once again, she carries her baby’s body, refusing to release it to the depths of the sea.
Tahlequah’s story pierces my heart because I, too, know what it means to carry the weight of loss. When Sammy died, I carried the burden of his absence in my every breath, every thought, and every step. Like Tahlequah, I couldn’t let go—not because I was in denial, but because I loved him too much to surrender him entirely to the void.
This time, as I watch Tahlequah’s silent vigil unfold again, I see the relentless cruelty of repeated loss. It is a pain no mother should bear, yet so many of us do. How do you grieve when the waves of loss keep crashing, each one more devastating than the last?
The Ocean of Grief
Grief, like the ocean, can feel infinite. It ebbs and flows, pulls us under, and sometimes leaves us gasping for air. Watching Tahlequah, I see myself and every grieving parent who has carried their child’s memory through the vast sea of sorrow.
But grief is not just a solitary journey. Like Tahlequah’s pod, who swim beside her without trying to ease her burden, my tribe has held space for me in my darkest moments. They didn’t rush me or try to fix my pain—they simply witnessed it, held me, and let me carry Sammy in my way.
When Tahlequah carried her first calf, the world watched and wept. Her grief felt universal, reminding us that love knows no species. Now, as she mourns her second calf, her resilience reminds us that grief does not diminish with repetition—it deepens.
As a grieving mama, I see her refusal to let go as a testament to the enduring bond between mother and child. It is not about denial; it is about devotion. And like Tahlequah, I have learned that carrying grief is not a failure to heal—it is a way to honor the love that will never fade.
Lessons from the Deep
Tahlequah’s journey offers us lessons in resilience, community, and the transformative power of grief. She shows us that mourning is not a sign of weakness but an act of profound strength. She reminds us that loss doesn’t have to define us, but it does shape us.
Her story mirrors my own path. In the wake of Sammy’s passing, I have felt the pull to honor his life by finding purpose in my pain. Like Tahlequah, I have found that even in the depths of sorrow, there are moments of grace—moments when the love we carry for those we’ve lost becomes a guiding light. That’s why I’ve built the brand new Grief Healing Collective; a place for anyone who’s suffered any loss can go to find support and healing resources.
Tahlequah’s story reminds us that our pain is a reflection of our love. We carry our children in the fibers of our being, in the memories we cherish, and in the legacies we build in their honor.
Her journey is not just one of loss but of enduring love. And while her sorrow feels infinite, her actions remind us that even in the darkest waters, there is hope.
So today, I honor Tahlequah, Sammy, and every grieving mama who carries their child’s light forward. May we find strength in each other, hold space for our grief, and swim forward with the unyielding love that only a mother’s heart can carry.