As a relationship therapist of 30 years, one thing I absolutely know for sure is that our relationships are our greatest teachers. Every relationship we have—whether with family, friends, or coworkers—serves as an unexpected ally in our journey of spiritual growth. This is because we can’t understand ourselves in a vacuum. It is only in the context of relationships all our “stuff” comes to the surface. It is only in relating with and to others that our triggers happen. And it is through our relationships (all of them) that we truly grow.
This is why I love the concept of The Seven Mirrors of Relationships. This teaching is ancient, sourced from the ancient texts of the Essenes, a group of religious scholars credited with writing the Dead Sea Scrolls. They lived between 2nd Century BCE and 1st Century CE along the shores of the Dead Sea and are believed to be in close connection or affiliation with Jesus and John the Baptist.
The concept of the Seven Mirrors is that every relationship is key to our spiritual evolution and an opportunity to know ourselves better if we can determine what truths are being “mirrored” back to us by the people in our lives. Those who resonate with us, whether in a positive or negative way, are our “allies” in helping us uncover what is going on inside of us; and, yes, experiences count too. Every person who comes into your life, especially your partner, are mirrors.
It is important to note that the “mirroring” we experience through others is specific only to the moment in which you are now. One person in your life isn’t just one of seven mirrors (i.e. Your best friend isn’t just one kind of mirror, while your boss is another). It is constantly changing and shifting according to what is going on inside you. At any given moment, a person in your life can be any one of the seven mirrors. And the more time you spend with someone, the more likely it is that you will see all seven reflections of yourself in him or her.
Here are the Seven Mirrors that are constantly being reflected back to us if we are willing to see and acknowledge it.
Mirror #1: See your current energetic state
This mirror reflects the energy that we are vibrating right now. We created this reflection by our present state. How the other responds to us is immediate feedback of what’s happening in this now moment.
Mirror #2: See where you are judging yourself
This reflection is of an emotional pattern, usually rooted in anger or fear. This mirror can illuminate to us beliefs or feelings we might not otherwise see; it reflects what we judge in ourselves and others. Remember, if someone’s words or actions triggers a strong feeling in you, it is about you.
Mirror #3: See what you feel you’ve lost (or long to have)
This mirror is the reflection of what has been lost or taken from us, or something we have given away. If we feel a magnetic connection to someone, it is possible that we are recognizing in him or her something that we no longer have (or wish we did). Whether that thing was lost, stolen, or abandoned, it is something that our essential self loves and misses.
Mirror #4: See where your unconscious compulsions or addictions may lie
The stark light of this reflection may show you areas of scarcity that you are trying to fill with something else and reflects our forgotten love. If time with someone creates unhealthy cravings, this mirror might be highlighting an addictive or compulsive behavior that we have rearranged our life to accommodate.
Mirror #5: See your mother/father wounds
This mirror reflects our mother and father. It can hold both feelings of love and security, as well as old emotional thorns and worthiness-killing beliefs. If you notice you are responding to someone as you would your mother or father, or projecting those qualities onto them, take heed. It is the reflection of our relationship with our parents and the spectrum of truths it contains.
Mirror #6: See your deepest fears
The sixth mirror reflects our own quest for darkness, our soul’s desire to confront and work through greatest challenges, biggest fears, and deepest thorns. Our relationships often trigger our fears or memories of trauma. These are the really tough times that come our way (or as I call them, AFGE’s—Another F*@king Growth Experience)
Mirror #7: See your true self concept
This mirror reflects the way in which we see ourselves. The big question that comes with this reflection is, “Does what I see reflected back to me from this person make me feel happy or unhappy?” If you feel unhappy, then it is time to figure out 1) why that is, and 2) who you are measuring yourself against that makes you feel as though you are coming up short. Remember, you determine the way others treat you through your own belief about yourself. If you do not believe you are worthy of love, you will not receive it. If you believe that you are worthy of love, respect, and all the juicy benefits of that love, then they will be yours.
Be attentive and curious when someone new comes into your life, especially if several new relationships arrive at the same time, whether they are romantic, professional, or even just a new acquaintance. It probably means you need to be paying attention. After all, if every relationship carries a lesson, wisdom, or revealing truth about ourselves, then the sudden appearance of several “teachers” into your life is very telling.
Try these mirrors on as you consider and interact in your relationships and let me know what you think!