Ah, the holidays—a magical time of joy, togetherness, and… mild panic attacks? Let’s face it: the season of tinsel and twinkling lights also comes with its fair share of chaos. Between family invasions, crowded accommodations, endless events, and the pressure to channel your inner Martha Stewart, it’s easy to lose sight of what really matters: your connection with your partner (and maybe your sanity).
But don’t worry—you don’t have to turn into a Hallmark movie character to survive this season. With a little humor, teamwork, and a lot of grace, you can stay emotionally and physically connected with your partner while dodging the landmines of holiday stress. Let’s dive in.
1. Own the Crazy (and Talk About It)
First things first: admit the holidays are a lot. Pretending you’re both cool, calm, and collected while silently seething about your in-laws’ karaoke marathon isn’t helping anyone.
Take a moment to sit down with your partner and have an honest chat about what’s stressing you out. Is it Aunt Martha’s unsolicited parenting advice? The kids hyped up on candy canes? Or the 14,000 things on your to-do list? Share your feelings—and listen to theirs.
Once everything’s out in the open, you can tackle the holiday madness together, like a team of slightly frazzled but highly lovable superheroes.
2. Set Boundaries (Yes, Even With Grandma)
Family time is great… until it isn’t. Whether you’re hosting family in your home or staying in theirs, the combination of crowded spaces and differing expectations can feel like a pressure cooker.
Here’s the deal: it’s okay to set boundaries. In fact, it’s necessary. Agree with your partner ahead of time on things like:
- How much family time is too much family time
- When you’ll sneak away for a breather (bathroom breaks totally count)
- How to handle that family member who always stirs the pot
Boundaries aren’t about being Scrooge; they’re about preserving your sanity and your relationship.
3. Make Time for (ahem) “Alone Time”
Let’s get real: when the house is packed with family and every second feels scheduled, intimacy can fall to the bottom of the priority list. But don’t let it! Staying physically connected is one of the best ways to combat holiday stress and remind each other that you’re still a couple—not just co-planners of the annual gingerbread house competition
If you’re staying with family, get creative. Go for a long “walk” (wink, wink), steal a few moments in the car, or just lock the bedroom door and blame it on “wrapping presents.” Even a stolen kiss in the kitchen or some hand-holding under the table can go a long way. Believe me, you’re not alone. A recent survey found 57% of folks are planning to get busy in their childhood bedrooms!
4. Stop Trying to Be Insta-Perfect
If social media is to be believed, everyone else’s holiday is picture-perfect. Their trees are perfectly trimmed, their kids are dressed in matching outfits, and their cookies look like they were baked by an angelic Pinterest fairy. Meanwhile, you’re over here with flour on your face and a tree that leans slightly to the left.
Let me tell you something: that “perfect” holiday doesn’t exist. Trying to achieve it will only stress you out and leave you snapping at your partner over crooked garland. Instead, embrace the imperfection. Burnt cookies? Laugh about it. Wrapping paper disaster? Call it “abstract art.” Perfect is boring—your messy, beautiful reality is where the real magic happens.
5. Tag-Team Self-Care
You can’t pour from an empty cup—or in this case, a holiday mug full of lukewarm cocoa. Both you and your partner need to prioritize self-care to survive the season.
Take turns giving each other breaks. Maybe they handle bedtime so you can soak in the tub, and you take over kitchen duty so they can veg out on the couch. When you’re both a little less frazzled, you’ll find it’s much easier to connect (and to resist throwing a snow globe when the stress hits).
6. Find Reasons to Laugh (Even When You Want to Cry)
Holiday stress is a lot easier to handle when you can laugh about it. Your turkey didn’t defrost in time? Hilarious. Your kid drew on the wall with a candy cane? Comedy gold. Laughter isn’t just a coping mechanism; it’s a way to bond with your partner when everything feels like it’s going sideways.
So crank up the holiday tunes, have a dance-off in the kitchen, or watch a cheesy holiday movie and make fun of the over-the-top dialogue. Remember, you’re in this together—and sometimes, all you can do is laugh.
7. Create Your Own Traditions
Amid all the hustle and bustle, find small rituals that are just for the two of you. Maybe it’s sneaking out for hot cocoa after everyone else has gone to bed, buying each other the silliest stocking stuffers you can find, or writing secret love notes to hide in the tree.
These little moments remind you that your relationship is the heart of the holiday season, no matter how chaotic it gets.
8. End Each Day With Gratitude (and Maybe a Glass of Wine)
At the end of the day, pause and take stock. What went well? What are you grateful for? (Hint: the answer is each other.) Say something kind or funny to your partner. A little gratitude can go a long way in keeping you connected and grounded.
Bonus points if you do this while sharing a glass of wine—or a piece of that pie you hid from everyone else.
The holidays might be messy and stressful, but they’re also an opportunity to grow closer to your partner. By leaning into imperfection, setting boundaries, and finding time for connection, you can not only survive the season but actually enjoy it. Remember: the best gift you can give each other is love, laughter, and maybe a little patience when the in-laws “accidentally” stay an extra day.
Happy holidays—you’ve got this!
Laura