What if healing from grief isn’t about thinking your way through the pain, but learning how to feel your way through it?

Grief doesn’t just affect our minds. It lives in our bodies, shapes our relationships, challenges our beliefs, and sometimes changes everything we thought we knew about love and life.

In this episode of Crying Out Loud, I sit down with Amar Atma Singh Khalsa, grief specialist, educator, board-certified chaplain, and founder of the Institute for Compassionate Grieving. His new book, The Tender Art of Grieving: Embodied Practices for Letting Go and Finding Peace, brings together neuroscience, somatic practices, traditional Chinese medicine, Ayurveda, spirituality, and years of experience supporting people through profound loss.

Amar’s own relationship with grief began in childhood. Growing up in a South Asian Indian family where emotional struggles and conversations about death were often taboo, he spent years carrying unprocessed grief without having the language to understand it. The death of his grandfather, who had been his greatest source of safety and connection, brought those feelings to the surface. It would take him nearly 20 years to fully recognize what he had been carrying.

His journey eventually led him through traditional Chinese medicine, acupuncture, spiritual studies, and nearly a decade of hospital chaplaincy, where he worked alongside families navigating trauma, critical illness, palliative care, and the end of life.

In our conversation, we explore why grief is something we experience throughout the body, not simply an emotion we process in our minds. Amar explains how our physical sensations often recognize grief before we consciously understand what’s happening, and why trying to suppress those feelings can make the experience even harder.

We also get into the energetics of grief through traditional Chinese medicine, including how grief can affect the lungs, our breathing, and our sense of inspiration. Amar even guides us through a simple breathing and chest-massage exercise that can help create more space when grief feels overwhelming.

One of the things I found especially fascinating was his distinction between different emotional experiences within grief. Anger, fear, anxiety, shame, and sadness aren’t interchangeable. Each carries something different, and understanding those differences can help us respond to ourselves with greater compassion.

We also explore the complicated relationship between grief and spirituality. How does profound loss challenge our faith? Can grief become a catalyst for spiritual awakening? And what happens when we begin to understand that our relationship with someone we love doesn’t necessarily end when their physical life does?

I share some of my own experiences after losing my son, Sammy, including the continuing bond I feel with him and the ways I’ve learned to remain connected. We talk about the mystery of consciousness, the possibility of an afterlife, and how grief can sometimes open doors to experiences and understandings we never expected.

Another powerful part of our conversation is Amar’s perspective on crying. He explains why tears can be a form of physiological release, what happens when we continually suppress them, and how breathing through an intense emotional experience can help us feel without becoming overwhelmed.

And finally, we explore what Amar calls a personal apocalypse. Drawing from the original Greek meaning of the word, revelation, he shares what sitting beside people at the end of their lives has taught him about regret, love, and the things that truly matter. His biggest lesson? We spend so much time focusing on purpose that we sometimes forget the importance of presence.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why grief can remain unrecognized for years, especially when our families or cultures don’t give us permission to talk about loss

• How childhood experiences, cultural expectations, and intergenerational grief can shape the way we experience loss as adults

• Why we can’t simply think our way through grief and why the body plays such an important role in emotional healing

• The connection between traditional Chinese medicine, the flow of qi, and the energetics of grief

• How grief can affect the lungs, breathing, and our ability to feel inspired and connected to life

• A simple breathing and chest-massage practice to help release tension and create space for difficult emotions

• Why anger, fear, anxiety, and sadness each have different expressions and deserve different kinds of attention

• How profound loss can challenge our relationship with faith, spirituality, and a higher power

• Why grief can become a catalyst for spiritual awakening and a deeper understanding of continuing bonds with loved ones

• The physiology of crying, why suppressing tears can affect our nervous system, and how to move through an overwhelming emotional experience

• What Amar means by a personal apocalypse and how facing death can reveal what truly matters in life

• The lessons people at the end of life have taught him about regret, loving more deeply, and living with intention

• Why love is about more than purpose and how presence and attention can become some of the greatest gifts we offer one another

If you’ve ever felt disconnected from your body, your faith, or even yourself after losing someone you love, I think you’ll find a lot to relate to in this conversation. Amar offers such a beautiful perspective on how we can move through grief, reconnect with ourselves, and find ways to keep loving and living while carrying the people we’ve lost with us.

Don’t forget to check out Amar’s book, The Tender Art of Grieving: Embodied Practices for Letting Go and Finding Peace. You can also connect with him on social media at Amarma Coaching and learn more about his grief retreats, community conversations, and work with the Institute for Compassionate Grieving.

And if you’re looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, my book, Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, and The Grief Healing Collective are here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com.

None of us are meant to carry this alone.

And if you want to explore more of how our brains, bodies, histories and emotional patterns shape the way we love and connect, come find me on my other podcast, The Language of Love. Every week, I talk with leading experts and share what I’ve learned in more than 30 years as a therapist about relationships, intimacy and healing. You can find The Language of Love wherever you’re listening to Crying Out Loud.