Serena Kerrigan built a brand around confidence. She became known as the Queen of Confidence, turned her dating life into a live show during COVID, went on 50 virtual blind dates in front of a live audience.

Serena is now the author of Let’s F*cking Date: Become the Prize, Enjoy the Ride, and Never Settle Again, and this book comes from someone who has spent years dating very publicly while also having to take a pretty hard look at her own patterns.

At one point, she asked herself a question that became a turning point: Would I actually want to date me?

She was tired of attracting emotionally unavailable men and having versions of the same disappointing relationship. Eventually, she started looking at what she was bringing into those relationships too, including the ways being fiercely independent and always seeming completely fine could make it hard for someone to really get close to her.

That’s where our conversation starts, but we cover a lot of ground. Serena is funny, opinionated and refreshingly willing to talk about the things she got wrong along the way.

In this episode, we talk about:

• What 50 virtual blind dates taught Serena about dating

• Why she finally asked herself, “Would I want to date me?”

• The difference between real confidence and armor

• What she means when she says “become the prize”

• Why a quick FaceTime can save you from a terrible first date

• Her Foundation List and Flex List, and why knowing the difference matters

• Why strict preferences can eliminate people you might actually love

• Love bombing, inconsistency and emotional unavailability

• Why Serena believes in keeping a dating roster

• Why you should never date someone’s potential

• Her Potential, Practice or Plot approach to every date

• What rejection can teach you

• Why butterflies aren’t always the sign we think they are

• The green flag she noticed when she started dating her boyfriend

• Why feeling safe and calm with someone can take some getting used to

• What Serena learned about receiving care without feeling like she was giving up her power

One of the things I liked most about talking with Serena is that she hasn’t abandoned the confidence that made her famous. Her understanding of it has just gotten more interesting.

There’s confidence in knowing your worth and having standards. There’s also confidence in letting somebody see you when you don’t have it all together, admitting that you care, and allowing yourself to receive.

And for someone who built an entire brand around being the Queen of Confidence, that feels like a pretty interesting place to have arrived.

To learn more about Serena, pick up a copy of her book, Let’s F*cking Date: Become the Prize, Enjoy the Ride, and Never Settle Again. You can also visit her website, subscribe to her YouTube channel, connect with her on LinkedIn and Instagram, and reach out to Serena directly with your dating questions. 

If something in this conversation made you rethink the way you’re approaching love, don’t stop here. My website offers more content, tools, and upcoming events to keep the conversation alive.

And if a reflection comes up, or you simply want to reach out, I’d love to hear from you. Find me at languageoflovepod@gmail.com.

Because dating isn’t just about finding someone. It’s also about learning how to stop abandoning yourself while you’re looking.

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