Welcome to this special extended episode of Crying Out Loud. I’m Dr. Laura Berman.

As I share throughout this podcast, on February 7, 2021, my 16-year-old son Sammy was sent a drug dealer by Snapchat who sold him counterfeit drugs laced with  fentanyl. Like many parents, I believed my child was safe at home. We had talked about social media safety. I worried about online predators, explicit photos, and the risks teenagers face online. But it never occurred to me that drugs could be ordered through social media and delivered to our home as easily as ordering takeout.

What happened shattered my heart and my understanding of what “safe at home” really meant.

In the days, months, and years after losing Sammy, I began recording reflections simply to process what I was living through. I wasn’t thinking about creating a podcast. I was simply trying to survive the unimaginable. Those recordings eventually became what I now call The Losing Sammy Diaries.

This episode brings together four chapters from The Losing Sammy Diaries, recorded across the weeks, months, and years after Sammy’s death. Each chapter offers a snapshot along my trajectory through grief, showing how pain, understanding, and healing gradually evolve over time.

Chapter One: Ground Zero

One Week After Losing Sammy

What the earliest days of grief actually feel like

The story of what happened to Sammy and the growing fentanyl crisis

The dangers of social media platforms that many families like mine were blind to

The powerful and surprising response I got  from families across the country 

The role of surrender and softening in the midst of devastating loss

Why being present with pain and releasing it from the body can be an important part of grief healing

Why I made the difficult decision to leave my home and family for a bit just a few weeks after Sammy’s death 

Chapter Two: The Redwood Odyssey

Three Months After Losing Sammy

My profound personal odyssey experienced in the Redwoods of California

How somatic experiencing opened a new doorway for processing grief

The emotional releases that can happen when grief moves through the body

The healing power of nature, long walks through the forest, and hugging trees

My unforgettable “glittering forest” experience in the redwoods

The seeds of something new that were beginning to form

Chapter Three: Two Funerals and a Birthday Party

Six Months After Losing Sammy

What my mother’s death taught me about moving with loss

The difference between spiritual connection and spiritually bypassing pain

The unexpected role my dog played in my healing

The fifteen-minute grounding practice that can help you move grief through the body

Why allowing ourselves to receive love from others can be part of healing

The beautiful release ceremonies and the two funerals we had honoring Sammy’s life

Why there is no right or wrong way for partners to grieve in a marriage

The deeper questions grief raises about what remains after death

Chapter Four: The Metamorphosis

Three Years After Losing Sammy

The origin of the Crying Out Loud 

The moment I realized grief had fundamentally changed who I am

What happened on our first ever grieving mama retreat

The insights I’ve gained around healing after years of navigating loss

The practices that helped me begin rebuilding life

The Six Pillars of Healing that grew out of this journey

How grief can become a portal for transformation

This episode is about living our truth, feeling our feelings, and allowing love to continue even after loss.

We want to hear from you!. If you’d like to share your story or have a question or topic you’d like covered, reach out at cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com.

If you’re looking for live healing resources and connection with others walking a similar path, check the Grief Healing Collective, a supportive community where people navigating loss come together to share experiences, learn tools for healing, experience live healing sessions and support groups.

None of us were meant to grieve alone. Let’s cry out loud together.