Have you ever had something happen after someone you love died that made you stop and think, Wait…was that you?

A song at exactly the right moment. A dream that feels different from an ordinary dream. A coincidence that feels almost impossible to explain. For a moment, you feel them. And then your rational brain kicks in.

Am I imagining this? Am I seeing what I want to see? Was that really them?

I know this dance between connection and doubt very well. After Sammy died, finding ways to stay connected to him became an important part of my grief and ultimately changed what I believe about death. But I also know how vulnerable these experiences can feel, especially when someone you love doesn’t believe what you believe.

My guest Rachel Stewart understands this deeply. Her 10-year-old daughter, Kenadie, died from cancer, and at the time, Rachel and her husband, Shane, had no real spiritual or religious framework for understanding where she had gone. Rachel desperately wanted to know Kenadie was still somewhere and that their relationship hadn’t simply ended.

But wanting to believe something and actually believing it are two very different things.

Rachel tells me about a medium reading that left her with questions until Shane casually revealed one detail that changed everything. We talk about the experiences that began challenging their skepticism, why Rachel kept asking Kenadie for more proof, and what happened when her very skeptical husband finally agreed to try energy healing himself.

We also get into something that doesn’t get talked about enough: what happens when you and the person you’re grieving with believe very different things? My husband and I don’t always interpret my experiences with Sammy the same way either. Rachel and I talk about how lonely that can feel and why you don’t need to convince anyone else in order to honor an experience that brings you comfort or connection.

In this episode, we talk about:

• The signs that began changing what Rachel believed about death

• A medium reading that took on an entirely different meaning after one unexpected detail
• Why powerful experiences don’t necessarily make skepticism disappear
• What happened when Shane agreed to try energy healing
• Meditation, grief and learning to quiet the noise enough to listen
• Whether seeking connection with someone who died can ever become a way of avoiding grief

• Grieving alongside a partner who doesn’t share your beliefs

How Rachel’s search for Kenadie eventually became For 11, the grief community she and Shane wished they’d had

If you’ve ever received what felt like a sign and then immediately talked yourself out of it, or if part of you desperately wants to believe your person is still with you while another part thinks, Come on, this can’t be real, I think you’ll find a lot in this conversation.

You don’t have to decide what you believe before you listen. There’s room for skepticism, curiosity and the possibility that love and relationship may continue in ways we don’t completely understand

Thank you again for the opportunity to be a guest on your podcast. I have put together a private, small invite only retreat for your listeners. Do you know when our episode will air. 
https://heatheralee.com/where-grief-finds-its-place-to-land

You can connect with Rachel through her website, For 11 Together, and follow her on Instagram and TikTok at @for11_together. Explore her Better Together resources and the For 11 community to learn more about the practices and experiences we discuss.

And if you want to explore more of how our brains, bodies, histories and emotional patterns shape the way we love and connect, find me on my other podcast, The Language of Love. Every week, I talk with leading experts and share what I’ve learned in more than 30 years as a therapist about relationships, intimacy and healing. You can find The Language of Love wherever you’re listening to Crying Out Loud.

This episode is also brought to you in part by Channeling Grief, a Substack by Elizabeth Kopple. After her 18-year-old son, Henry, died on his first day of college, Elizabeth turned to writing to explore grief and how we find connection, meaning, and a way forward after profound loss. Now a certified grief educator, she shares essays, interviews, and resources to help you feel seen and less alone. Subscribe for free at channelinggrief.substack.com. We’re so grateful to Elizabeth for supporting Crying Out Loud and our grieving community.

And if you’re looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, Laura’s book, Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, and The Grief Healing Collective are here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com.

None of us are meant to carry this alone.