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How to Make the Most Out of Sex in Your 30s, 40s & 50s

We all want an active, healthy sex life. Humans are sexual beings by nature, regardless of age. Yet some of us find that our sex lives take a dip as we enter middle age and beyond. Thankfully, there are many ways you can spice up your sex life and maintain a fulfilling sex life throughout the years.

Break out of the empty nest.  Many parents expect that their sex lives will take off when their kids are away at college or moved out of the house. After all, you will finally have the entire house to yourself and will no longer have to worry about the kids walking in on you and your spouse at an inappropriate time. Yet many empty nesters find that their relationship can suffer as a result of empty nest syndrome.

For couples who have devoted the last 18 plus year to childrearing, it can be a difficult transition period. Suddenly, you are alone with your partner for the first time in over a decade, leaving some couples to wonder: What do we talk about? What do we still have in common? You might have to rededicate time to getting to know your spouse again. Try starting a new hobby together that you can both enjoy, but also be sure to devote yourself to your own interests as well.

The more you have going on in your own life (from friends to activities) the more you will have to share and discuss with your partner. And, remember, don’t be disappointed if your sex life doesn’t immediately ramp up after your kids are out of the house—all change takes some getting used to, but soon enough, you will find yourself loving your newfound independence and freedom.

Delegate responsibility and make time for sex. Although many couples find themselves in the middle of an empty nest at this time in their lives, others find themselves with a fuller nest than ever before. The so-called “sandwich generation” are individuals who are raising children while also caring for aging parents. As medicine advances, people are living longer and more active lives than ever before, but this also means that some children find themselves caring for their parents and for their own children.  This can understandably lead to extra stress and less time for other activities, including sex.

What’s the cure? Let go of the reins as much as possible. Women often feel like they have to take on the brunt of the household responsibilities or they won’t get done, but the truth is, your family is ready and willing to help you. Delegate chores to your husband and children, or ask your parents to pitch in with babysitting (if they are physically able to do so).

If money allows, get outside help such as a maid or a nurse, and don’t be afraid to say “no” to requests once in a while. If you don’t have time to take that extra project at work or bake cookies for the PTA, simply say so. Being a full, happy person requires you to make time for yourself and for your relationship and your sex life. That’s not selfish, it’s downright necessary for your happiness.

Try new things and be adventurous. If you want a more exciting and fulfilling sex life, than you shouldn’t wait for your partner to spark that excitement for you. Take the initiative and introduce something new in the bedroom, whether it be a new position, new lingerie, or even a little bit of erotica. Don’t be afraid to make the first move—no doubt your partner would love something new and daring from you!  You can also spark your sex life up again by taking an adults-only vacation and rediscover who you are outside of your daily routine. Make sure you leave the kids behind though—this is time for you and your partner only!

Make a commitment to stay active. Physical fitness is an important part of a healthy sex life. Commit to staying active and healthy with your spouse. Take a walk around the block together every night, and try to eat plenty of produce, whole grains, and lean protein. The healthier you are, the better you will sleep, the less stress you will have, and the better you will feel about yourself—all of which translates into a better sex life for both you and your partner.

Your sex life need not suffer as you get older—indeed, it can get better and better! Keep your sexual health at the top of your to-do list, and never underestimate the importance of a great sex life!

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