When someone we love dies, the relationship doesn’t simply disappear. We still talk to them. Think about them. Look for signs from them. Miss them. Love them.

But where do we put all of that?

For me, one of the answers has been creating sacred space.

In this episode of Crying Out Loud, I’m talking with Robin and Michael Mastro about the power of altars and why creating a physical place for connection can be such a meaningful practice in grief.

Robin and Michael have spent decades studying Vastu Shastra, an ancient Indian system concerned with the relationship between our physical spaces and our wellbeing. Michael is an architect and meditation teacher, and Robin is the author of Altars of Power and Grace, which grew out of her graduate research and her experiences in India.

Robin explains that there isn’t just one kind of altar. Different altars can serve different intentions, and for those of us who are grieving, she shares two that I found especially meaningful: a relationship altar, created to support our continued connection with someone who has died, and a transformation altar for those times when the grief itself feels especially intense.

We get very practical about how to create one. Where should it go? What direction should it face? What belongs on it? Robin talks about photographs, candles, meaningful objects, mantras and yantras, and why the intention we bring to the altar matters more than making it look a certain way.

I also share the altar I created while writing Crying Out Loud. Every morning, I would sit there, light a candle, call in my angels and guides, and then begin writing. I wrote the entire book between May and August, and I believe that altar helped me create a space where I could connect, listen and do the work.

We also talk about something I think matters deeply in grief: an altar doesn’t have to be about worship, and you don’t have to subscribe to any particular spiritual belief to create one. It can simply be a place where you intentionally return to the person you love and to the relationship that continues in a different form.

Toward the end of our conversation, Michael leads us through a five-element meditation for grief, moving through earth, water, fire, air and space as a way of grounding ourselves and making room for what we’re carrying.

• Why altars have been used across cultures and spiritual traditions

• How an altar can create a physical place for continued connection

• The difference between a relationship altar and a transformation altar

• How to create an altar for someone you love who has died

• What photographs, candles and meaningful objects can bring to the space

• Why intention matters more than creating the “perfect” altar

• The role of direction and the five elements in Vastu

• Mantras, yantras and other practices Robin incorporates into sacred space

• The altar I created while writing Crying Out Loud

• Michael’s five-element meditation for grief

• How a simple ritual can give us somewhere to bring our love, longing and connection

An altar doesn’t have to be elaborate. It can be a photograph, a candle, something that belonged to them, or an object that only the two of you would understand.

It is simply a place you create with intention. A place to sit. To remember. To talk. To listen. And, if it feels right to you, to stay connected.

Robin has generously offered a guide to creating a relationship altar, including the elements, mantras, yantras, and the process of bringing the altar to life. Email her at robin@vastucreations.com to receive the guide.

And stay with us through the end of the episode for Michael’s five-element meditation. You may want to find a quiet place before you listen.

Don’t forget to follow Robin and Michael, and check out Robin’s book, Altars of Power and Grace. You can find more of their work on their website. 

And if you want to explore more of how our brains, bodies, histories and emotional patterns shape the way we love and connect, come find me on my other podcast, The Language of Love. Every week, I talk with leading experts and share what I’ve learned in more than 30 years as a therapist about relationships, intimacy and healing. You can find The Language of Love wherever you’re listening to Crying Out Loud.

This episode is also brought to you in part by Channeling Grief, a Substack by Elizabeth Kopple. After her 18-year-old son, Henry, died on his first day of college, Elizabeth turned to writing to explore grief and how we find connection, meaning, and a way forward after profound loss. Now a certified grief educator, she shares essays, interviews, and resources to help you feel seen and less alone. Subscribe for free at channelinggrief.substack.com.

And if you’re looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, my book, Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, and The Grief Healing Collective are here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com.

None of us are meant to carry this alone.